Are YOU Adding to OR… Taking Away?
We are not invisible! There is no neutral. You are either adding to a relationship or taking away from one. Sadly, many people attempting to be neutral don’t even realise that they are taking away. These are the people who when they are lied about at their farewell morning tea, don’t even know! Their self-awareness of their own energy and more importantly, its negative impact on others is either negligible or completely non existent! There is, of course, a more dangerous group of people. These are the people who are busy taking away. Their reasons vary and are often complicated. Some sadly enjoy the negative attention whilst others are so scared, hurt and cynical, they have either forgotten or have…
All You Need Is Love by Keith Abraham
Such a great song from the Beatles. In actual fact, we really need love now! As I have been chatting with audiences all around the world sharing my concept of choosing your mindset—or what I call an amplified attitude—I have been sharing six key mindsets each of us needs to have in this environment of uncertainty. Now, it’s not about having all six, it’s about picking one and focusing on it with such intensity that every cell in your body believes it. This mindset coupled with a high level of intensity changes how you turn up every day. It influences how you walk, talk, think, what you say to others and most importantly what you say to yourself. Here are…
A Letter to Parents
The following is an excerpt from Gabbie Stroud’s excellent book “A Letter to Parents” Dear Parents & Caregivers, The entire process of parenting is a kind of letting go, isn’t it? Right from that moment when a newborn leaves its mother’s body our children are always growing away from us, growing up, becoming independent. And that’s exactly the way it should be. We have to be careful, though, that we give our children space to grow. If we do too much for them, they won’t grow up—in fact, they might grow down. There’s a funny sort of climate surrounding kids these days: we’re so worried about internet predators, stranger danger, drugs and terrorists that we want to protect our children…
Helpful Things People Say During A Conflict
During a conflict some of our behaviours are helpful and some hinder the resolution of the issue. What are the helpful interactions during a conflict? Let’s work this out – there comes a time when you need to remove yourself from a hurtful dynamic. If we become stuck in a pattern of avoidance this only communicates ongoing rejection and disrespect and can lead to the situation festering. It is important to consider the costs of the status quo continuing and the possible benefits of change. When we communicate a genuine desire to work things out, this changes the tone of the conversation and communicates goodwill and hope for the future. At our best, we search for solutions that take everyone’s…
Find your calm to prevent reactivity
I bet you can remember from your childhood that one teacher who stayed back after the bell to talk you through a tricky question, or the sports coach who reminded you that you have what it takes or the boss who let you extend a deadline to help take the pressure off. These people were our champions, our greatest supports who went that little bit extra to make sure we succeeded or had the opportunity to learn when things were hard. They were there to help us test and expand our comfort zone and to this day we remember fondly, even if they pushed us when the situation felt too hard. I can remember Mrs Wills. My third-grade teacher, who…
Be More Positive – the 30 Day Challenge
In times of uncertainty it is helpful to remain positive and optimistic. Day 1 Choose a positive mantra and repeat it Day 2 Think about what you can be learning from your current challenges Day 3 For worst case scenarios, imagine the best thing that could happen Day 4 Share a great memory with a friend you haven’t seen this month Day 5 Print an inspiring quote and attach it to your bathroom mirror Day 6 Call someone to say thank you Day 7 Give a genuine compliment to three people Day 8 Cut negativity from your life by unfollowing, deleting and removing negative influences Day 9 Learn something new Day 10 Take some time outdoors Day 11 Meditate…
What To Do When Things Go Wrong
Despite the best planning in the world, things still go wrong. Here’s how to handle any breakdown and maintain your sanity… DECLARE Anytime anything does not turn out as you expect – or looks like it won’t – you can declare a breakdown. You might say (even to yourself): “That’s a breakdown – that’s not what I wanted or expected.” This allows you to take a moment, catch your breath and adjust course. This distances you from the challenge and allows you to stay calm in the face of any crisis. NAME To make it easier to resolve, identify what is not working. Declare a breakdown in something specific. For instance, I will be late for my meeting…
What did you achieve today?
For staff in schools, managing your own well-being is a must. There are several causes of stress for staff working in schools; difficult parents and colleagues, unrealistic expectations and deadlines, report cards and unacceptable student behaviour to name a few. Having been entrusted with the well being, discipline and education of a school full of students, teachers and staff working in schools have a huge responsibility. It is vital that we get satisfaction from our work in schools. Our work is a significant component of our lives. Whilst our jobs shouldn’t define ‘who we are’, our work should contribute to a sense of satisfaction that our work is important and DOES make a difference. If it doesn’t, then it is…
20 Things Mentally Strong People Do
We certainly live in ‘interesting’ times! The importance of the work done by staff in schools has been highlighted in recent weeks as we deal with the Corona Virus. Whilst it can be unsettling and challenging to face unchartered conditions, it is important that staff in schools remain calm, optimistic and mentally strong. Based on the work of Amy Morin in, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”, I have created a list of the 20 things they actually do. 1 They move on. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves. They quickly come to terms with what has happened and move on to the here and now. 2 They keep control. They don’t give away their power or…
One Hundred Years From Now…
One hundred years from now It won’t matter What kind of car you drove What kind of house you lived in How much money you had in the bank Nor what clothes you wore But the world may be a little better Because you were important in the life of a child Each and every day a tremendous amount of trust is placed in staff who work in schools. In response to the question, “What is the most important thing in your life? What do you treasure most, care about and see as vitally important?” 99% of parents will answer, their children! More important, significant and treasured to them than their car, their house and even their partner! Not only…
Are You Too Warm OR Too Demanding?
Our ability to connect with students has a direct impact on our stress level and happiness. Behaviour management guru Bill Rogers uses the term WarmDemanding to describe the ideal demeanor of staff in schools. Rogers argues that our interactions with students should be characterised by a balance between the ‘warmth’ that shows we care about them as individuals and the‘demanding’ that shows we have expectations of them and their behaviour. I find it helpful to see this as a continuum. I have worked with staff in schools who have been too far to one end of the spectrum. Some staff have presented as being ‘too warm’. They are clearly very keen to be friends with students and work very hard…
A Carrot, an Egg and a Cup of Coffee
This great parable from an unknown author encourages us to reflect on how we cope with adversity. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up; she was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and turned each hot plate to high. Soon the pots came to the boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and in the last pot she poured ground…